When I grow up...

I used to chew on thoughts such as what I want to be when I grow up. I’m not sure though if I can consider myself today as a grown-up… After all, I still throw tantrums every once in a while…and I’m still the silly, helpless girl who’s never gotten over her addiction to chocolates.

I remember that as a child, life seemed to have no barriers. I could want what I wanted, and whatever it was that I wanted—I could get it if I worked hard enough, studied hard enough, and prayed hard enough. In short, I believed I could manipulate everything if only I had the right moves…

The moment I could read (and it was bizarrely at a very early age), I knew I wanted to be a writer. I invested all my time and energy into becoming the person I would want to be. And so despite the fact that I was years prior to high school, I was already thinking decades ahead. (It’s pretty much a weighty viewpoint for someone young, but that was just how I was.)

Yes I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I cannot over-emphasize that. I breezed my way through Journalism school mainly because I loved what I did. To me, none of my academic requirements was school work. They were all part of a hobby. I loved school. Even though I partied hard and even joined a sorority…deep inside, I was seriously a nerd. (haha!)

So when did the love for law school crop up? I honestly don’t know. And if I have to answer this question now, it would be one tough moment for me… =>

The illusion of a barrierless life I had as a child is long gone with the realization that it’s not about what we want but what God wants for us. And suddenly, we take pity on our selfish ambitions because we know that no matter how much we try to achieve for ourselves, we always end up losing.

If we begin to think with our souls and not our minds, if we let our hearts do the seeing, then maybe we can look beyond the reduction of options that living a wise life can bring. Only then will we be able to see a road of opportunities with all the right turns.

I want only the right turns… and I know I’ll make it. I may be silly and helpless but I believe in my heart that God will never let it go wrong. Does God want me to be a lawyer? I think He does. When I listen to Him in prayer, I can almost hear him audibly tell me. The world may often disagree and I may get frustrated a lot of times, but all the pain that goes with law school is worth it if it’s where I’m meant to be.